I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the day after is always just damage control
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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