With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
