i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
