dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
