oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
