I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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