how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
These tits shall not be calmed
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
