i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
