My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
