So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
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I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
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His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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