Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
