U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
