do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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