you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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