he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
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