i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
