For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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