I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
