its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
