so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
