do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
