Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
