i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
