At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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