There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
