there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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