i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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