just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
