Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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