Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
