Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
