# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
