also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize