So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize