Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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