I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
