Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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