How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
