i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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