He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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