Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
