Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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