Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
