I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
