Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
