the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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