you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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