you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
