so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
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All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
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So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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