Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I need a beard to bite.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
