I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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