If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
