summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
