remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
then he tried to convert me to islam
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
