I want to stick my p in your. b.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
