I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
