I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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