He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
