I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN