He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get