I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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