how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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