I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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