O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
