so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
