pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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