brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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