Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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