He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
