I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
