i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
