I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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