Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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