This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
